Welcome back!
The three scriptures that was shared in the part one of this topic have two major characteristics: being led and observing. I wrote about how I have heard various people tell horror stories of believers getting deceived and trapped into relationships and marriages to later find out that their spouses are unbelievers and demons in human form. If you took time to read those scriptures well (you can go back to the previous post), you would see that God has made adequate preparation for you as a believer not to fall into such deceptions. The problem most people have is that they refuse to follow through those things and later blame God for their wrong decisions.
The first scripture I shared talks about how being led by the spirit of God shows a person’s status (son-ship) before God. This simply means that every single thing about a person’s life should subject to God’s leading and direction. If that is not the case with someone who claims to be a Christian, then assume that the person is an unbeliever.
How then can you know that a person is being led by the Holy Spirit?
How can you as a person be led by the Holy Spirit?
It is simple: by knowing God’s word to the point where it fills your entire being.
Let me make this simpler, we’ve all been students at one point or the other, right? At every point of being a student, the only way to pass your tests and exams without cheating is by reading and studying your books (written words consisting of your school notes and textbooks). You don’t go into an exam simply relying on all the words you heard your teacher say in class alone. If you do, failure (however you define it) is sure! The degree at which you pass is highly dependent on how well you studied, how well you understood what you read, and how well you could remember to put down what you studied. If you are a brilliant and intelligent student, it is almost impossible for someone to confuse you into believing that the right answer (which you have read several times over) is actually the wrong one or that the wrong answer is the right one! In fact, you would look down in disdain and disrespect if one of your mates or worse still, a teacher, comes up to spew incorrect answers to something you have very much studied and are sure of. This is exactly what being led is about!
You cannot be sure of being led if your word-base is zero or low. You would not be able to pick out that ‘fake’ or unbeliever. The more you read God’s written word, study, meditate and understand it, the more your mind is sharpened to perceive and receive that still small voice that would lead you. It is through this that you master God’s voice. You get to that point where you can consistently see that everything you hear/perceive God is telling you tallies with His written word. Once you hear a voice or feel an inclination to do something outside God’s written word, just like in the case of a brilliant and intelligent student, you automatically know that the voice you heard is not of God. But if you have no word in you, how do you judge correctly?
This then brings me to the last two scriptures I shared. These scriptures spoke more about observing what you have before you before fully committing to it. I am usually baffled when I hear certain believers equate being led by the spirit to shutting down their senses when taking decisions. The deception usually is that because you heard ‘God’ speak to you, you don’t need to observe anything or put it to test. That is a lie! As human beings still being housed in this earthly flesh, we are fallible. God knows this, which is why He has made provisions (all within His will) for you to prove that what you believe you heard or were led to do, is indeed coming from Him. One of the major ways to do this is to observe the actions and behavioral patterns of the person in question. You do this not based on your moral systems, cultural beliefs or personal preferences, but based on God’s written word.
Is that person behaving like someone who believes in Jesus and all He stands for? Is the person’s language in tune with one who truly believes? Is his/her her behavior consistent with one who is Christ-like? Does he/she compromise regarding the faith?
These questions and many more should be asked and answered truthfully. You then make observations in regard to all the answers you get. At the end of the day, everything must tally: questions, answers and your observations. Do not make excuses for anybody! The moment you start to, you begin to become blinded. Though no one is ‘perfect’, there are some basic things that would show you that someone is not a believer in Jesus. Watch out for those things, take the signs seriously and run as fast as your legs can carry you before you become a prey to a black widow!
A Wrong Match between believers
This is a very dicey issue with people having varying views. While some believe any two believers can marry, others feel otherwise. Personally, I don’t believe any two believers can marry just like that. I believe that if they do, they would end up in the black widow syndrome. It would just be a matter of time before one party preys on the other to destruction.
You may be wondering how this happens with believers considering that they have a common ground which is ‘Jesus Christ’. Sadly, it does happen! I have attributed this to the level of yieldedness to the Holy Spirit each party exhibits. God is not a wicked God. He would not give out/lead that son/daughter who has become fully yielded to Him (or is working towards that) to that son/daughter who still indulges in all sorts of disobedience and has refused to grow up. God will not. But if for whatever reasons, they end up with each other, the black widow syndrome would kick in eventually till that home is destroyed.
This is why we have many so-called ‘Christian homes’ go through the issues they go through. The marriage in itself was a wrong match, hence the foundation of the home was faulty. Most claim that they were led by God Himself to marry, but like I have stated earlier, they left their senses when it came to observing and testing what they heard. Let me clarify here now that what I am writing about is different from challenges all marriages usually face. I am writing strictly about those marriages and homes where everyone knows that their issues are deeper than just mere marital disagreements.
When one party in a match between two believers is less yielded to God and given more to their personal moral standards, cultural preferences and traditions, that person is the black widow in that relationship. He/she is toxic and as I have written in part 1, he/she begins to spin the web that would lock in and feast on his/her prey – the spouse. The black widow spouse begins to manipulate, threaten and control their victim. This could even escalate into violence – physical, emotional and/or psychological. At this stage, the victim only endures and most likely stays put in that relationship/marriage either because of the ‘God-factor’ or worse still, they feel like they get a divine reward for being a martyr in their own home.
I am not writing this to support divorce or separation. This is because I have come to realize that our understanding and interpretation of scriptures differs based on how much we have come to fellowship with God and understand His heart. If you find yourself in this conundrum (either being yoked to an unbeliever or in a wrong match with a believer), take up your case before God in prayers. Seek His will concerning your case. Seek godly counsel from seasoned and renowned marriage counselors. Don’t go about seeking advice from the ocean i.e. a large pool of people; you will get confused! Most importantly, ensure that whatever decision you take has its basis in God’s word, comes with divine peace and is guilt free with no condemnation at all. This is such that when you stand before God on the last day, you can stand in boldness and confidence before Him.
I hope this topic blessed you and has made you decide to thread carefully before you take the big leap. I hope you have also started re-evaluating your romantic relationships if you are not married yet. In continuation with this series, I would be looking at the topic “How to choose rightly”. Here, I would go deeper in picking areas that you need to focus on when making the choice of a spouse as a believer.
Thanks for reading.