One thing you must understand and agree to is that the power to choose anything lies in your hands 100%. Not God, not the devil, not your family, friends or foes can take that power away from you as long as you are alive and conscious. Once you have come to understand and agree with this, then reading what I have here would make more sense, and it would be easier for you to follow the practical steps I will share.
If you have followed me on this series, you would recollect that we looked into the fall of man. The serpent, Adam and Eve all made choices that led to that fall, and God held each one of them responsible for their choices. He had given His instructions/opinions about what he wanted and didn’t want but left the decision to them. This is exactly how God still operates till date. He gives you instructions and shares His opinions concerning issues, but leaves you to make a choice based on them. Below are two biblical examples showcasing how the choice of a spouse was made:
Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24)
I would encourage you to please read the entire chapter if you are not familiar with the story. However, let me give you a short summary. Abraham was very old and did not want Isaac to marry any of the women in Canaan. His desire was for him to marry a woman from his own people. He calls Eliezer, the eldest servant in his household, to swear to do his bidding and sends him off on the mission to find Isaac a wife. Eliezer travels all the way to Mesopotamia and decides to rest not too far from a well. He prays to God to find favor to get the right wife for Isaac and gives God certain conditions that would confirm his prayers. Just as he finishes, he sees Rebekah and asks her for water (a part of the condition). She not only obliges him, but draws water for the animals also. Her action was enough proof that she was God’s choice because she fulfilled to the letter all that he had told God. He eventually lodges at her father’s house (Laban), introduces himself and explains his reason for coming to Mesopotamia. At the end of the day, Rebekah follows Eliezer (without hesitation) back to Canaan, and marries Isaac.
(Genesis 25)
After they get married, Rebekah was unable to bear children. You would expect her to be the one doing the running around, but no, Isaac takes up that responsibility and seeks God regarding that situation (verse 21). He prays and God answered him. Rebekah gets pregnant with twins and was sensitive enough to know that the pregnancy within her was special. She also goes to God to inquire of Him in that regard. God reveals to her that she would birth twins and the things God tells her was what I believe eventually drove her to do all that she did for Jacob in the long run. She was a mother (and wife) indeed that consciously worked with God to establish His will in her household.
Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 29-35)
Unlike the story above, Jacob saw Rachel and fell in love with her. She was everything he wanted in a woman. He loved her so much that he was the one who offered to work for her father Laban for seven (7) years just to marry her (verse 18). Unfortunately, he was deceived into marrying Leah and had to work another seven (7) years for Rachel. Though she became his wife a week after the marriage feast to Leah, he still had to fulfill the side of the deal. Jacob loved Rachel so much that he couldn’t help but treat Leah badly. As a result, God did not make Rachel bear children. Unlike his father who prayed to God about it, Jacob got very angry when Rachel dared demand children from him. He didn’t even consider it neither did he stand in the gap with her. Luckily she got pregnant after so many years and had Joseph, then later Benjamin.
Rachel at some point did an abominable act where she stole her father’s gods. It shows us the kind of woman that she was: no respect for the God of Jacob. Yet, despite all their issues, Jacob still loved Rachel such that he carried over that passion over to her children – Joseph and Benjamin, especially Joseph (her first child). It was so obvious that Joseph was hated by his brothers. At the end of the day, Rachel died in childbearing (of Benjamin) in severe pains and never lived to fully enjoy being married to Jacob. Jacob also ended up being a polygamist as a result of that one choice.
Both stories are a reflection of how the choice of a spouse are made: you are either led to that person OR you simply choose whomever you like based on your personal preferences. From the stories above, you can see a stark difference between that one person who allowed God lead him to make his choice, and the other person who made his choice based on what he believed was the best for him. It is obvious that the better step is to let God lead you as it saves you so much headache and pain over the years. Even when you encounter challenges along the journey, provision has been made by God for a way out. It would be easy for either or both spouses to recognize it and do the right thing. Below are practical steps to ensure that you choose rightly:
1) Develop a personal relationship with God
Your ability to know that you are being led by God can only come from the strength of your fellowship with Him. If you have never taken this seriously, now is the best time to start. It is never too late. The more you read, study and meditate on God’s word, the more you pray and walk in obedience to His word, the more you are sharpening yourself to be in tune with God.
In a world where sexuality is becoming increasingly muddled up and people are inventing various methods to hide bad behavior, you need a higher force to help you discern rightly. It is only through God that you can see deeply and truly into a man’s hearts and motives. So for your own good, safety and sanity, know God personally and fellowship with Him.
2) When you meet someone you are attracted to, tell God about it!
Some people feel so “holy” that they think God should not be cumbered with romantic gists (lol). That is not true. God is interested in every aspect of your life, including this aspect. The reason you need to table your feelings before God is so that He can guide you through your emotions.
2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart).
3 Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.
Proverbs 16:2-3(AMPC)
The above scripture summarizes what would happen when you tell God about your emotions. You are able to put things into perspective and side by side with God’s word. Remember, there are so many potential Black widows out there. Here, God would establish you according to His will.
3) Do not be in a hurry to make a move
This phase is usually where many rush to make commitments like Jacob did. Once emotions are running, the natural human tendency is for you to make a move. Instead, sit back and ask God questions. This should be the time to analyse those emotions and feelings in the light of God’s word and all He may have told you about yourself and marriage.
4) Ask God questions and table your desires prayerfully before God with an open heart
It is very important to do this with an open heart as this is the only way you can receive and make a clear choice. You risk being “blinded by love” if you are not open minded before God. In the place of questioning and telling God what you want, He would reveal to you things about that person that would help you put those desires into the right perspective. At this stage, you get more clarity regarding that person and whatever future you may have or not have with that person.
5) Receive a definite word from scriptures to confirm what you believe you heard
Faith comes by hearing, hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17)
Whatever conviction you believe you have received must be placed side by side with God’s written word. This is the ultimate proof of God’s will. You must receive a word from God to back up what God has told you. The essence of this word is to continually rouse faith in you whenever you are faced with any issues. It becomes a word you can hold God to when situations stare you in the face. It becomes a guide and resting place.
6) Lastly, seek godly counsel!
Before you finally commit to that decision, seek godly counsel. You can hardly go wrong with this after taking all the previous steps mentioned above. You need counsel simply because man is still a fallible being and there may be certain insights that would come to you through counsel. By this time, you must have become sure of God’s will and would be able to make the right choice.
Our next topic would be “Dating versus Courtship”. As believers, which should you go for?