Our Story: Meet The Adebara’s

It is good to be back. Like I promised in my last post, I have been able to finally get the interview of our very special couple done. It was both a pleasure and an honor to have my parents, Rev’d and Pastor (Mrs) Adebara, interviewed. It was fun hearing them reminisce about how they met, their courtship and their marriage. I hope and pray that as you read through their responses, you get more insight and clarity regarding your own relationship. I also pray that it helps you evaluate your stance and opinions about issues in marriage so as to have a more fulfilling and love-filled home.

I would appreciate your feedback and questions. You can either send me a DM or comment here. Thanks.

A Quick Background

My parents are one of the most amazing people I have met, and I say this without bias. I know some may not believe me since I am their daughter (lol), but those who know them can attest to this. Here are a few things you should know about them before you read the interview itself:

Pastor (Mrs) Titilola Adebara (P.T) was born in 1958 and Rev’d Solomon Adebara (R.S) was born in 1957. They got married on a lovely Saturday December 15, 1984 at St Michael Anglican Church Oyo, meaning that by December, they would be married for 34 years. They have three biological children (of which I am their first), one adopted daughter and many others.

They are both believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. P.T got saved around 1978 and R.S got saved in 1974. P.T is a teacher per excellence who taught for years at various secondary schools before retiring into full time ministry. R.S is a Chartered Architect who worked for an Architectural firm for years before resigning to start his own architectural and construction firm. He still works in this field till date in combination with being in ministry. They both oversee the Fountain of Grace Ministry which is headquartered in Ibadan, Oyo State Nigeria. P.T is currently the Senior Pastor while R.S is the President and Setman of the Ministry.

They are very passionate about relationships and marriage such that they have become well-known and established marriage counselors. They have this special grace in counseling couples whose causes seem hopeless back to healthy and thriving marriages. I always recommend anyone who is going through marital issues to them. Trust me, they are NOT your typical pastors who counsel married people in lopsided ways. They are fair and very empathetic when dealing with issues according to the standard in God’s word.

Enjoy!

Who do I look like? Daddy or Mummy? lol!

How did you meet?

R.S: We were together in the Lagos Varsity Christian Union (LVCU) though not friends or even close. She was in the general executives while he was in the core executive as the General secretary. This was around 1979 or so.

P.T: We were not enemies either (laughing). I was the hall representative for Amina Hall.

Was it love at first sight?

R.S: No! No! She didn’t feel she was going to be my wife. It took so long before I even proposed to her, which was towards the end of 1981.

P.T: No! I never saw him as my husband. Like I said, we were not even friends before this.

When did you fall in love with each other?

R.S: We did not fall in love with one another before I proposed. I was simple led to propose to her. When that happened, my heart opened up in love towards her and when she said “yes”, our love began to develop together. It is what has kept us till date.

P.T: I fell in love with him when I said “yes” to him.

So does that mean love is not important to marry? 

R.S: The will of God is number one because love can be at sight, it can be an infatuation or anything else. The process is that you are letting God lead you on who to marry. Remember when Abraham sent the servant, Isaac never saw the woman first. The first thing was the will of God, then love came in. But nowadays, people go ahead and fall in love and want God to rubber stamp it.

P.T: Naturally, you love as brethren i.e there is that natural love. We were not close but it was until I said “yes” to him that the kind of romantic love started developing. If you get God’s will right, the love would develop.

What was your relationship with God before you met?

R.S: We were developed to hear God. We were addicted to nothing but the will of God.

P.T: The same thing.

Did you date before popping the question?

R.S: No dating at all. After I was so certain about the strong impression about her, I just told her to consider me being her husband and told her to pray about it.

P.T: No. In fact, I never expected him to ask me to marry him because we were not close at all. So the proposal came as a surprise to me. I was not expecting it.

How did you know she/he was there “one”?

R.S: God gave me a leading to pray and sort out my spousal issue in my first year of masters degree in Architecture. I prayed then I had a dream, I heard the audible voice of God speaking to me, and even went for counseling regarding my conviction. The counselor told me that what else did I need with all that I had heard. My last conviction came from my mum (of blessed memory) who also confirmed. Without telling her anything, she told me that I had found the person I was to marry. So, there were a lot of things that confirmed to me that she was the “one”. I eventually approached her at that point where I was as certain as being a man, that she was the “one”.

P.T: The Holy Spirit ministered to me through His word, intuition and revelation. I also had a confirmation by an external person. The person gave me a word to confirm what God had already told me, and the person didn’t know at all. This was very apt as it happened on a particular day when during my quiet time, God told me “If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son. (1 John 5:9 KJV)”. So that evening this person gave me another word that the Lord told him to tell me. He was specific that God told him that I was seeking to say a “yes” or a “no”. He gave me 2 scriptures and I went to read them up. They were “The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. (Proverbs 10:22 KJV)” and “My covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips. (Psalms 89:34 KJV)”. I wanted to open up to him about the proposal I had received and he pointedly told me that he didn’t have the release from God to listen to what I had to say and left me there. All these helped me know without any doubt that I should say “yes”.

During courtship, how did you resolve issues that arose and conflict? Were there any?

R.S: By discussing, praying and reaching an agreement according to God’s word.

P.T: Same thing

Do both of you come from the same background? How has that affected your relationship?

R.S: No, we do not come from the same background. I come from a polygamous home. My mum loved to accommodate family members, while my dad was not like that at all considering that he already had a lot of wives and children.

P.T: We are not from the same background. My father was monogamous with my mum being his only wife. I come from a home were my parents accommodated a lot of family members in the home. With this difference in our background and exposure, we didn’t pattern our lives according to our experiences but according to God’s word. We did away with traditions that did not align with God and this is what we have built our marriage and home on. So, our different backgrounds has not affected our relationship negatively.

You’ve been married now for almost 34 years, what can you say about how your courtship has contributed to having a successful marriage?

R.S: It has helped us because we agreed on various key issues before marriage e.g. no offence must stay overnight and must be resolved before we sleep, our union is superior after God, we agreed to never bite more than we can chew or live a life of camouflage, we agreed not to open our home to intruders, we agreed that what we owned is owned by both of us, not one of us which made us operate a joint purse, and so many other things.

P.T: We were able to lay a very solid foundation for marriage during courtship, so we just moved into marriage with ease. It helped us not to have issues. We already had a principle on how we wanted to run our home. There was transparency, love and trust. So, it really helped us.

Any advice to intending and married couples?

R.S: My first advice is for the man to be made spiritually, know his right from the left. He must have known God to know how God speaks and leads. He should have a divine understanding of God’s assignment for him before he seeks a wife. He should have a job before seeking a life partner as well. God gave Adam work to do before he brought a wife to him. Both the man and the woman must be given to one another. Before you say “yes” or propose to a woman, convince yourself that you are ready to submit to him and that you are ready to embrace and love her in all things. It is good that a man and his wife should be godly and heaven-bound i.e. be spiritually minded. They must be ready to live a distinct live that would glorify God.

P.T: Be sure God is leading you and that God is in your relationship. Make sure you are “correct people” to each other. Also, if you are led and you lack knowledge, it would make you question your leading and can destroy what was indeed God’s will. So seek knowledge. Have a focus to make heaven. Drop traditions of men. Put aside everything in your background that does not align with the word of God. It is not good to hold on to your background at the expense of godly principles. It would only lead to pain and heartbreak. Only hold on to real values and virtues from your background and not the ephemeral things of whatever lifestyle you are used to. Make up your mind to live as brethren with each other. Live your life to make people look up to you as examples of believers. In doing this, you are defending the marriage institution the way God wants it to be.

That’s all folks. I hope you enjoyed reading through. I would be discussing on a rather sensitive topic next time which is “Compatibility: Truth Or Myth?” I look forward to hearing from you, especially if you have questions.

Thanks for reading.