Thanks so much for your feedback on my parent’s interview. I’ve taken note of them and would work towards implementing them.
When you think about compatibility, what comes to mind? I have heard people give various explanations on this such that I have come to agree with some reasons and disagreed with others. Generally, there is this idea that compatibility is extremely important to a successful romantic relationship and marriage. Is this true or is it a myth? Let us find out.
What is compatibility? According to the Google online dictionary, compatibility is a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. The online Cambridge English Dictionary also defines it as the fact of being able to exist, live or work successfully with something or someone else.
If you have followed me in this series, you would have come to the conclusion that getting the right person for you goes beyond physical attractiveness or your own ideas on how marriage should be. I have zeroed in on the ‘God-factor’ as being the most important thing among various other things you need to pay attention to. That way, you end up getting the very best and acquire the wisdom to manage your relationship wisely. Therefore, if you are in that relationship or considering that relationship because you were led by God and sure it is God’s will for you, why should compatibility be an issue? Does compatibility not defeat the entire purpose of putting your trust in God to give you the right person? These are very valid questions you need to ask yourself sincerely. At this point, I need to reiterate that marriage is not a day’s journey but a journey for life. Hence before entering into it, you must be well aware of what you are getting yourself into.
Nobody desires a marriage or home filled with strife and problems. So, the natural thing to do is to test how well you think you can work together and make conclusions based on your ‘compatibility’ such that at the end of the day, your results would help you either go ahead with the marriage or decide to back out of the relationship. While that is a very good thing to do, I believe very strongly that if the process for choosing started with God, the best way at compatibility is to allow that same God help you work out your differences while courting and throughout your marital journey. Of course, if that does not work out eventually for both parties involved, they are not bound to get married.
Don’t have the notion or illusion that compatibility is only important in making a choice. You and your partner decided to go into that relationship/courtship based on an ‘agreement’. The premise of your agreement goes a long way at addressing compatibility issues not just before marriage but throughout marriage. This is because compatibility plays a vital role in the marriage relationship as well, it is not just for choosing a spouse or in courtship. In marriage, you have to deal with your strengths, weaknesses, character issues and all sort of idiosyncrasies. Therefore, if you do not approach the issue of compatibility from this perspective, you would end up being confused whenever you encounter challenges in courtship and ultimately, marriage. I believe it is because of this lack of approach that many find themselves facing issues/challenges in marriage and are at loss as to deal with them.
This now brings me to our question: Is compatibility a truth or a myth?
Compatibility as a pointer to who to marry is A MYTH while compatibility to ensure that you solve issues based on your conviction(s) and build the right foundation for marriage is TRUE.
Compatibility, the truth, must therefore act as a guide in courtship before taking the leap, and throughout marriage after taking the leap. I therefore came up with this rule of compatibility which states:
If these things do not align before taking the leap, please and please, re-evaluate that relationship! Do not go ahead and marry that person.
Let me close with the story of Mary and Joseph in Matthew 1:18-24 (please find time to read it). This story is about what transpired when Joseph found out Mary was pregnant. The natural thing to do was what Joseph intended to do – break up the relationship. In fact, if not for the love he had for Mary and being a godly man, he should have made a big deal out of Mary’s ‘infidelity’. However, the angel of God who came to instruct him to do otherwise did so because God had an ultimate plan beyond whatever compatibility issues they were facing at the time. I can almost see through Joseph’s mind, how he would have ruminated over who could have gotten her pregnant and felt so betrayed and hurt. Yet, the word He heard from God was enough to give him peace and make him go ahead to marry her.
Of course, in today’s world, no woman born of a man can be in Mary’s shoes (lol!). However, there are many issues that crops up during courtship that should naturally make you take to your heels and run. In such situations, what should you do? Be like Joseph! Be open-minded to hear what God has in mind. If you hear nothing, then let that relationship go. But if you do hear God give you specific instructions to do otherwise, obey it because there may be a greater purpose you may not be seeing.
You cannot get to this level of total reliance on God if you have not started relying on him in little things. So please, start relying on God now! It is never too late and it is never too early. Yesterday was the best time, but now is the next best time to start. God has been waiting for you to tune in. He has been speaking. You just were not listening. Shift your focus from ephemeral things and focus on God to lead you.
Our next topic is one I am seriously looking forward to. I would be talking about “How To Avoid Sexual Sins”. Please, do not miss it.