I got married in 2013 after having a long distance relationship. We courted for 4 years. We were barely together in the same physical space for up to 6 months within those years. I married Mr. M in faith and because I was convinced that he was the right man for me.
Prior to accepting Mr. M’s proposal, I had series of personal encounters with God concerning who I was to marry. This helped me navigate through courtship in a way that helped set the foundation for our marriage.
By the time we got married, we both had a fair understanding of each other. Initially, Mr. M was working in Lagos while I lived in Ibadan, making us a “weekend couple”. Life was bliss! We talked every opportunity we got and weekends were like new episode shoot offs of our honeymoon. We synced perfectly👌
Then came 2014 when we both decided it was time we pursued our dream. Mr. M quit his job and suddenly, we were stuck together! Lol! It was finally time to truly know who I was married to, and boy did I not learn (and I’m still learning) a lot about him. Same thing for Mr. M; he suddenly saw me on a whole new “deeper” level (lol!). In a nutshell, we started burrowing into each other at an accelerated rate. Things that would normally take a good number of years to discover and learn, took much shorter under our circumstances.
I believe this is similar to what you are going through right now. The #stayathome mandate has forced you and your spouse to be in each others faces 24/7. You now have new spousal chapters in the book of marriage that needs to be read and understood without losing your joy and peace when the challenges arise.
To navigate through the tests that would start at this period, ask yourself this important question: Who did I marry? Your answers would help chart a strategic path in your marriage both for now and years to come. I’ll suggest that you write down your answers. This is for the sake of accountability and being intentional. After this, break down the question into these two perspectives:
- Your spouse BEFORE marriage.
- Your spouse AFTER marriage.
There is usually a difference between 1 and 2, and it is in those differences that the secret to thriving lies. The difference(s) may be stark or negligent; negative or positive; little or much; or just there. The essence is for you to be armed with the necessary information to engage and relate with your spouse. Please, be very truthful to yourself. Do not lie or exaggerate; do not put down phantom behaviors. If what you see is not what you like, you can create a separate list of who you want your spouse to be; we would come to that later.
Your answers would then help you manage the expectations you have of your spouse. You see yourself adapting to situations better because of this new understanding of who you married. That whole negative vibe of being “stuck” gradually recedes. You have finally put your spouse in the right perspective. This may be easy for some of you, and hard for others. Please do not get discouraged but take your time to do this. Put aside your frustrations or anger, and get started to enjoying this period.
In my next post(s), I would be talking about how you can manage your space with your spouse. I would be delving deeper into how you can unwind, stay focused and manage your emotions despite having your spouse constantly in your space. Since you cannot up and drive out of your home when you get upset or need to unwind, you need innovative methods to help you thrive. In the meantime, carry out the above exercise and take time to note more differences and pray for your spouse. Trust me, prayers do work!
Thanks for reading and see you soon!