The Black Widow 1

Welcome back to another topic in this series. I couldn’t post last week due to issues beyond my control and I sincerely apologize. I want to thank everybody for their good will messages, calls, show of love, and prayers on my wedding anniversary. I was, and I am still overwhelmed. Words are not enough to describe my feelings. Thank you so much and God bless you.

The black widow is a very apt topic in our love bug series. Hence, I will be splitting this topic into two parts. Today, I will be looking into the first part and would be concluding on the second part next week.

A black widow is a type of venomous spider with a prevalence of sexual cannibalism. The females in particular looks scary (like in the picture) and usually eats the male after mating hence the name ‘widow”. As a result, the males select their mates very carefully by determining if the female has fed so as not to be eaten themselves. They do this by sensing chemicals in the web spun by the female. Apart from this, these spiders are poisonous to humans as they affect various bodily functions whose symptoms can last between a few days to weeks. Thankfully, they are not considered fatal to humans.

You may be wondering what this has got to do with our series and I want to let you know that it has a lot to do with it. Just like these spiders, there are so many human beings out there (both male and female) that are ‘black widows’ when you critically look into how they behave. I remember a popular song called “Black Widow” by Iggy Azalea. It was reigning some years back and I just looked up the lyrics to know what she saying since all I knew then was “black widow baby”. Reading through, I wasn’t surprised at what I saw because it depicts what a black widow essentially is and does: operates a very dangerous ‘love’ relationship. Whether this was fictional or is a reflection of her experience(s) is none of my business, what I am concerned about is how such a ‘loving’ relationship can spiral into something so dark and toxic. Whoever exhibits these ‘black widow’ characteristics eventually turns any relationship toxic.

How then can you identify them? How can you ensure you never become their prey? If you have been caught in one, how do you get out?

One interesting characteristic about the black widow is how they trap their prey. The kind of web they spin in preparation for the prey is usually very irregular, intricate and very sticky such that once a prey falls in, it becomes almost impossible to find your way out. Not only that, they move in very fast to make their kill. As someone interested in entering a relationship, this should be a red flag for you. Once you notice irregularities and complexities in a person you are interested in, be very careful before you take the leap. Patience is a virtue you exhibit by the Holy Spirit; and in the choosing of who to marry, it is highly needed.

There are two classes of black widows in human form. I am speaking strictly as a believer in Jesus Christ and all He stands for, so this may not apply to you if you are not one. They are:

1. The Unbeliever 
2. A Wrong Match between believers

The Unbeliever

I am usually amazed when I see believers ask questions about marrying unbelievers or worse still, end up marrying them knowingly/unknowingly. It baffles me and makes me wonder what exactly they value in life. Faith (or lack of it) is an integral part of life. So, when two people with opposing faiths and belief systems decide to enter a relationship and ultimately the marriage covenant, I wonder how long it would last before it turns toxic.

The truth is that any love relationship or marriage between a believer and an unbeliever is bound (sooner or later) to end up as a ‘black widow’ relationship. It is either one party successfully suppresses the other to silence or they both keep struggling (like the black widow and its prey) till one person escapes or becomes completely battered. There are no two ways to it. Whatever stories or examples you may have seen or heard is just a part what those couples want you to see and know. The battles won and lost as a result of their mismatch is something I am sure they don’t like discussing or thinking about. But since they have made their decisions, they have tried their best to ‘work’ things out for peace sake. Sadly, most women in such relationships are the usual victims. For the sake of ‘peace’ and to ‘keep’ their homes, they may have had to compromise on so many fronts.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14(AMPC)

The scripture above summarizes all I have written in a nutshell. You cannot claim to be a Christian, spirit-filled and yielded to the Holy Spirit and consider getting into a relationship with an unbeliever: it is an aberration! The moment you begin to consider it, you need to check yourself. The deception many fall into is to think they can change the other person for good. My dear readers that is a big fat lie! Only God and the human being involved can make whatever changes is needed. You do not have the power or even the authority to change anybody. Let that sink in.

You may be wondering how then you can know that someone is not of God because I have heard many stories of how sound believers were deceived into entering relationships and marriages to later find out that they were scammed. To answer your questions, I would post a few scriptures here for you to read and meditate on. Next week when we conclude this topic, I would expatiate on them to understand how not to be deceived and how to evaluate yourself in light with this topic.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. – Romans 8:14(AMPC)

Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed as sheep, but inside they are devouring wolves. You will fully recognize them by their fruits. Do people pick grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles? Even so, every healthy (sound) tree bears good fruit [worthy of admiration], but the sickly (decaying, worthless) tree bears bad (worthless) fruit. A good (healthy) tree cannot bear bad (worthless) fruit, nor can a bad (diseased) tree bear excellent fruit [worthy of admiration]. – Matthew 7:15-18(AMPC)

Beloved, do not put faith in every spirit, but prove (test) the spirits to discover whether they proceed from God; for many false prophets have gone forth into the world. – 1 John 4:1(AMPC)

Thanks for reading.